Thursday, May 29, 2014

The Best Day

The last time I posted on here I was feeling broken, but it's nothing compared to how I feel now.

Back in January at the time I was feeling low cause we had been trying for over a year to get pregnant. Little did I know I was actually pregnant at the time I wrote that. I wouldn't find out til almost 2 month later.

 Come March I was not feeling all that well but didn't think anything of it because ever since we started ttc things had been off. I laid awake in bed one Wednesday night and started to add up all the symptoms I was having and actually convinced myself that I was crazy, there was no way I was pregnant. I woke up early that Thursday morning, got ready for work, did my makeup, brushed my teeth and immediately threw up.  The whole day I was at work I couldn't get that mornings events out of my head, I just kept thinking how odd it was cause I never just get randomly sick. As I drove home I talked myself into stopping at CVS to get hpt. I told myself I wouldn't take it til the morning to make sure I got a better read.

March 21, 2014 The Best Day
For once that Friday morning when my alarm went off I jumped out of bed, grabbed my hpt I hid from the hubs and ran to the bathroom, it was about 8am and I did my business, put the cap on the test and laid it on the counter to wait the allocated number of minutes, but I didn't have to wait long cause before I could turn to leave the room (cause nothing is more stressful than standing staring at the test) this little blue plus started to show.

The fist test
 I couldn't believe my eyes. I couldn't believe after all this time that I could actually be pregnant. I ended up taken a picture and texting one of my best friends. She was excited but told me to get a pink dye test or a digital to be sure.  So when I left work that afternoon I stopped at CVS again and bought 2 more 2 packs of test. I got home around 3pm and immediately took 2 test. You guessed it they both came back positive pretty fast. I had actually called my ObGyn when I was at work to set up an appointment on Monday to come in for blood work to confirm.

It happened to be a week before the hubs birthday and I was going to try and wait to tell him then but I'm horrible at keeping secrets from him. I decided to take all three test I had taken that day and a little baby onesie that I had bought actually a while ago and put them in a black decorative box I have. When he got home that evening from work I set up the camera in the living room of our house and told him to sit down cause I wanted to give him one of his presents early. I then handed him the box, it took him a second to get it but when he finally did I have never seen him more happy.



Over the next couple days I took 2 more test and then had my positive blood work done on Monday









Monday, January 27, 2014

Broken

As I lay here in our cold, dark room alone with tears streaming down my face I have never felt more broken. What do you do when you can't give the person you love the most the one thing in the world they want more than anything? It hits me out of nowhere sometimes and I just cry. There are some days when I can't bare to get out of bed cause I feel like such a giant failure as a wife and a women. I'm at my breaking point, I don't know what to do...